Metaphor Alert

       Anyone else look at the classic cluster-phuk of the Oscars and think; "Yep, Obamacare."?

Overrun

       These are the times that try firearm sales associates' souls. (As if they still have souls.) 

       Portland on the Mississippi was wrapped all day in a soggy, wet, gray blanket of low clouds and showers. Many constructions sites, farms, roadway repairs, outdoor retail firms, car washes, etc, etc, etc, closed because of the unexpected weather. However, Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe was open. It's doors were an undefended border to the army of bored guys with nowhere better to go.

       They assaulted the counter, blockaded the aisles, demanded attention, shouldered aside paying customers, and generally made a nuisance of themselves; while bunkering their wallets deep in their pockets. At the same time, their confederates kept up a steady barrage of harassing phone calls. The two poor FSAs were rapidly overwhelmed - however, the horde wouldn't allow them to surrender and continued to attack mercilessly.

        The only aid offered was the promise of alcohol at the end of the shift.

        Unmet. 

Not My President Day

       Gawd, it was a great dream, but I guess Hillary is still the President.

Gun Douche

The following is true, only the names have been changed to protect the guilty. 

Gun Hipster: <Pompousing up to the gun counter> I want to see the Edsel E9 pistol in 9x19mm NATO Luger Parabellum, 4.28 inch barrel, 15+1 double stack capacity and weighing 34 oz unladen. 
 
Firearms Sales Associate: (NoNoNoNoooooooo.) Sorry sir, we don't have any. They're not out yet. 

GH: <Imperiously> I've seen them.
 
FSA: Sir, they were only announced at the SHOT Show a couple of weeks ago. Edsel has said they won't be in the distribution channels for several months or more. No one has them.
 
GH: <Haughtily> I've seen a U-Tube video of the gun. 
 
FSA: That was probably a pre-production prototype. 

GH: <Petulantly> It was a WORKING gun, not a prototype. I. WANT. TO. SEE. THE. GUN.  
 
FSA: ..........Okay, sir, you've found us out: We're sitting on a pallet of the E9s, illegally keeping them from the public. But, you're too smart for us. I'll go in the back right away and get one for you.

GH: <Condescendingly> Fine.

FSA: <Leaves for an hour-long liquid lunch.>

Miss Management

Dear Miss Management of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe;

        Your decision to radically under-staff the store, on a Saturday, during a significant sale, does not allow you to effectively demand that I immediately clone myself several times over.

        After all, you'd only pay me one hourly wage for my army of clones.

St Louis Crime Stats

       Sam Dotson, the St Louis City Chief of Police, proudly trumpeted a drop in the city's crime rate in 2016. Only... most serious crimes, including robbery, assault, rape, attempted murder, et al., were up. Property crimes, however, were dramatically down, mathematically driving the overall crime rate lower. (BTW, this methodology cynically equates a stolen bike with murder.) Remarkably, the amount of murders remained the same (better hospitals - poorer marksmanship?)

        I suspect St Loo did something similar to LA: they cooked the books. Years ago, the Los Angeles police were ordered not to take reports of crimes; a non-existent budget shortfall was the stated reason. To no-ones surprise, crime dramatically decreased - in the reports. Murders were a bit harder for the pencil-whippers, as it was difficult to ignore all those nasty corpses leaking all over the place. The LAPD, affectionately known as LAP Dogs, had to report that murders were higher that period. The Chief failed in his bid to become LA's mayor, but soon became a much loved and corrupt inner city councilman.

       Here in the Loo - Chief Dotson was quick to blame everything on the official whipping boy of failing gubermints everywhere: Itz da guns!

       Dotson had designs on the mayor's office in 2017, hoping to ride his record as a crime fighter. However, the CTRL-Left city board of aldermen threatened the top-cop's job if he ran. He courageously quit the race to keep his job a little longer.

       Dotson would have been a poor choice for mayor - the other candidates are worse.

Remember?

Dear valued customer of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe:

       If the Firearms Associate is with customers, standing uncivilly close, while huffing self-importantly, will not get you faster service.

       Your mother should have told you.

Just a Phone Call Away

Dear valued customer of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe: 

       If you're an idiot, it is in your best interest to concede your idiocy and let the people that are trying to help you actually do so. 

        And no, dear customer, if your rifle is shooting high, the solution is *not* the "super-low" scope rings you are demanding. 

        I had to hang up before the gigglesnorts got me completely.