Last Day Behind the Far Side of the Gun Counter

       I've served my last day at the far side of the gun counter of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe.

       I've been offered an outstanding opportunity to resume my aerospace career.  I jumped on that opportunity with both feet. 

       We must move again; leaving the home, community, and state that we've grown to love.

       New horizons await!

Felonies are Forever

      Dooood, someone told you that felonies drop off your record after 10 years -- and you believed them???

       No Hi-Point for you!

Take Your Non-Business Elsewhere

       Dear unvalued customer of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe; 

       If you announce you're definitely going to buy your firearm from an on-line store and not from us, then rudely order me to show you several of the guns, you will not be served. You are stealing my time and the company's money. We are not the unpaid showroom for Bubba's Lube and Guns. 
 
        And I look forward with great anticipation to never seeing you again.

#retailintheinternetage

Don't Be This A-Hole

       Safety isn't a sometimes thing.

       Just yesterday in the hallowed halls of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe, a goober rudely demanded to be shown a rifle. He sneered at the Vortex scope, then used it to draw a bead on a woman customer in an orange sweater. That got him an immediate command; "SIR! Point the gun UP and BACK!" He didn't comply, snarling that he was testing the optic on a contrasting target. (After all, plenty of deer wear safety orange.) I finally got the rifle from him, cleared it, put it on the rack, wished him a good day, and walked down the counter.

       Cletus stood there sputtering.

       He may still be there.

       I don't care.

       I won't leave a weapon in the hands of such an ignoramus, someone so willing to violate the rules of gun safety and assault an innocent. Col. Cooper's Rules of Gun Safety are the very foundation of our gun culture, defining our basic interactions and our core ethos of respect, responsibility and safety. We ignore them at our peril.

Uhhh.... You Were Saying?

       If you are a very lovely young lass, amply blessed by Nature's God, and dressed to thrill, please do not lean over the gun counter at Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe.

       It does no good to the Firearm Sales Associate's focus and concentration.

#oldebutnotdead

      To the good, I passed my heart stress test with flying colors!

Toast

       Cuba Libre! Death to (Raul) Castro!

        It's been one of those days of wading in the shallow end of the gene pool at Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe.

Sumdood

       Sumdood called Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe asking about a particular type of handgun favored by the more discriminating banger. 

        You could smell the weed over the phone. 

        Sheesh, doood. You'll need to be able to coherently put more than three words together before we'll sell you a gun. We'll even count articles.

Metaphor Alert

       Anyone else look at the classic cluster-phuk of the Oscars and think; "Yep, Obamacare."?

Overrun

       These are the times that try firearm sales associates' souls. (As if they still have souls.) 

       Portland on the Mississippi was wrapped all day in a soggy, wet, gray blanket of low clouds and showers. Many constructions sites, farms, roadway repairs, outdoor retail firms, car washes, etc, etc, etc, closed because of the unexpected weather. However, Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe was open. It's doors were an undefended border to the army of bored guys with nowhere better to go.

       They assaulted the counter, blockaded the aisles, demanded attention, shouldered aside paying customers, and generally made a nuisance of themselves; while bunkering their wallets deep in their pockets. At the same time, their confederates kept up a steady barrage of harassing phone calls. The two poor FSAs were rapidly overwhelmed - however, the horde wouldn't allow them to surrender and continued to attack mercilessly.

        The only aid offered was the promise of alcohol at the end of the shift.

        Unmet. 

Not My President Day

       Gawd, it was a great dream, but I guess Hillary is still the President.

Gun Douche

The following is true, only the names have been changed to protect the guilty. 

Gun Hipster: <Pompousing up to the gun counter> I want to see the Edsel E9 pistol in 9x19mm NATO Luger Parabellum, 4.28 inch barrel, 15+1 double stack capacity and weighing 34 oz unladen. 
 
Firearms Sales Associate: (NoNoNoNoooooooo.) Sorry sir, we don't have any. They're not out yet. 

GH: <Imperiously> I've seen them.
 
FSA: Sir, they were only announced at the SHOT Show a couple of weeks ago. Edsel has said they won't be in the distribution channels for several months or more. No one has them.
 
GH: <Haughtily> I've seen a U-Tube video of the gun. 
 
FSA: That was probably a pre-production prototype. 

GH: <Petulantly> It was a WORKING gun, not a prototype. I. WANT. TO. SEE. THE. GUN.  
 
FSA: ..........Okay, sir, you've found us out: We're sitting on a pallet of the E9s, illegally keeping them from the public. But, you're too smart for us. I'll go in the back right away and get one for you.

GH: <Condescendingly> Fine.

FSA: <Leaves for an hour-long liquid lunch.>

Miss Management

Dear Miss Management of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe;

        Your decision to radically under-staff the store, on a Saturday, during a significant sale, does not allow you to effectively demand that I immediately clone myself several times over.

        After all, you'd only pay me one hourly wage for my army of clones.

St Louis Crime Stats

       Sam Dotson, the St Louis City Chief of Police, proudly trumpeted a drop in the city's crime rate in 2016. Only... most serious crimes, including robbery, assault, rape, attempted murder, et al., were up. Property crimes, however, were dramatically down, mathematically driving the overall crime rate lower. (BTW, this methodology cynically equates a stolen bike with murder.) Remarkably, the amount of murders remained the same (better hospitals - poorer marksmanship?)

        I suspect St Loo did something similar to LA: they cooked the books. Years ago, the Los Angeles police were ordered not to take reports of crimes; a non-existent budget shortfall was the stated reason. To no-ones surprise, crime dramatically decreased - in the reports. Murders were a bit harder for the pencil-whippers, as it was difficult to ignore all those nasty corpses leaking all over the place. The LAPD, affectionately known as LAP Dogs, had to report that murders were higher that period. The Chief failed in his bid to become LA's mayor, but soon became a much loved and corrupt inner city councilman.

       Here in the Loo - Chief Dotson was quick to blame everything on the official whipping boy of failing gubermints everywhere: Itz da guns!

       Dotson had designs on the mayor's office in 2017, hoping to ride his record as a crime fighter. However, the CTRL-Left city board of aldermen threatened the top-cop's job if he ran. He courageously quit the race to keep his job a little longer.

       Dotson would have been a poor choice for mayor - the other candidates are worse.

Remember?

Dear valued customer of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe:

       If the Firearms Associate is with customers, standing uncivilly close, while huffing self-importantly, will not get you faster service.

       Your mother should have told you.

Just a Phone Call Away

Dear valued customer of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe: 

       If you're an idiot, it is in your best interest to concede your idiocy and let the people that are trying to help you actually do so. 

        And no, dear customer, if your rifle is shooting high, the solution is *not* the "super-low" scope rings you are demanding. 

        I had to hang up before the gigglesnorts got me completely.

It's Your State, Not Mine.

       Announcing you are from Illinois and cannot buy the handguns your are asking to see will not get you a lot of a Firearms Associate's time.

       Just so you know.

True Falsehoods

       "We're up to our necks in @$$holes!" was physiologically false, but, oh so true.

Reasons

       A young single mother came into Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe today. She was badly frightened and feeling helpless after nearly being the victim of a violent random assault last night. Spent a lot of time with her. She left knowing full well that she's only taken the first steps toward self-reliant safety.

       However, she knew those first steps had been taken.

       Her head was high, and her stride was long. 

        Because: Reasons.

01/13/17: Ice Road Idiots

     In a once in a decade sleet/ freezing rain/ ice storm only idiots will be out. Those idiots will be in a gun store.

Full Service Gonne Shoppe

     Just one of the many services provided by Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe: We will safely destroy any shootable ammunition brought to us. In fact, our dedicated employees are currently planning an ammunition destruction event. 
    
     It is not known if pumpkins and/or Tannerite will be involved.

Smart Feller

     Crop dusting the Firearms Associate while he's getting a holster from the lower pegs is not considered good form.

01/01/2017: Open Season

     The Far Side of the Gun Counter: "Attention valued customers of Ye Olde Gonne Shoppe, it is now 8:20. The store has been closed since 8. Please take your selections to the registers at the front of the store. Open season will commence at 8:30. Happy New Year."

     They made it out with a couple of minutes to spare.

     Dammit.   ;^)'